If you are married to a man who is struggling with depression, it isn’t just your husband who is struggling. Loving someone who labors under the heaviness of depression is difficult, too. Seeing him change and not knowing how to help puts a strain on you. Depression burdens relationships for many reasons.
If you want to learn how to help a depressed husband, consider that the best course of action is accessing depression treatment for men. But until he is ready for that brave step, there are other ways you can support a husband who is depressed. At Rockland Recovery Behavioral Health, we can offer a range of treatment options for men with depression.
Recognizing the symptoms of depression in men
According to the United Health Foundation, depression affects about 1.25 million adults in Massachusetts, which is about 22.4% of the population. Men often experience depression differently from women, and spouses may have a difficult time realizing that their husbands are depressed. Many spouses of depressed men misinterpret the signs, thinking their husband doesn’t love them anymore or that their husband is hiding an affair.
Signs of depression in men include those common to women as well:
- Feeling sad, numb, or hopeless
- Sleeping a lot or insomnia
- Exhaustion
- Anhedonia, which is the loss of pleasure in things that were once enjoyed
- Physical aches, pains, and headaches
However, depression often manifests differently in men. For example, men with a depressive disorder may:
- Be irritable or anger easily
- Practice escapism by losing themselves in work, video games, or sports
- Have a hard time with friends and family, alienating them
- Take unnecessary risks
- Become aggressive or controlling
- Sabotage their primary attachment relationship, for example, due to low self-esteem or pessimism
If your husband has some or many of the symptoms of depression, have an honest, loving conversation about what he is feeling and how you can help.
What do men need when they’re depressed?
If you are concerned about your husband’s mental state and recognize he is depressed, the most meaningful thing you can do first is show him that you are there for him. Let him know you want to hear how he is feeling, won’t judge him, and want to support him through this difficult time. Many men find it hard to open up about their emotions, so creating a supportive and non-judgmental space is crucial. Encourage him to share at his own pace, and remind him that he doesn’t have to face this alone. Showing patience, understanding, and empathy can go a long way in helping him feel supported and valued.
How to help a depressed husband
Men with depression can benefit from:
- Learning stress-reduction strategies such as mindfulness practices
- Adjusting their expectations of themselves and setting realistic, attainable goals
- Prioritizing close relationships and trusting that loved ones want to help
- Seeking out hobbies and activities they once enjoyed to spark a sense of pleasure in familiar things
- Keeping a healthy sleep schedule
- Maintaining good exercise and eating habits
- Becoming aware of negative thoughts and self-talk and shifting them
- Seeking professional mental health care
It is important that you take care of yourself while supporting your depressed spouse.
Tips for the spouse of a man struggling with depression
Loving someone with depression can be emotionally draining, especially when you’re unsure how to help or take care of yourself in the process. To maintain your resilience and ensure that you don’t burn out, be sure to think about what you need while your husband is struggling with depression.
- Set healthy boundaries: You aren’t responsible for his depression or his choices
- Avoid co-dependency: Help and support aren’t the same as rescuing him
- Make “you” time: Take time for yourself while also making time for your relationship
- Educate yourself: Learn more about depression and how it affects individuals and relationships
- Communicate openly and honestly: Discuss your concerns, needs, and boundaries with your husband in a compassionate manner
- Take breaks when needed: Don’t feel guilty for taking time away from caregiving duties to recharge and take care of yourself
- Find a support system: Connect with other spouses or partners of individuals struggling with depression, join a support group, or reach out to friends and family for support
- Practice self-care: Engage in activities that bring you joy and relaxation
- Encourage professional support: Lean on the help of a therapist or counselor for both you and your husband
Your husband will benefit from having a supportive, compassionate, mentally resilient, and well-rested spouse.
Contact Rockland Recovery Behavioral Health so your spouse can begin depression treatment for men
You can’t fix your husband’s depression, much as you’d like to. Professionals offering evidence-based treatment can support your spouse in coping with his depression. Therapy, medication, and mindfulness combined can lift your loved one out of the darkness. Take the first step—submit our online contact form or call 855.520.0531. We are here to help.